beautifully human.

enough.

2011-03-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest challenges may be finding my self worth.

energy.

2011-02-10T15:03:00.000-08:00

I put positive energy into what I make.

One of the rewarding things about making food is the enjoyment someone else gets from it.

When I know my positive energy is being received, I feel satisfied.

Executive Chef Brent Martin of the Hyatt Hotel Downtown San Diego told us yesterday that cooking is like a drug, once you feel the accomplishment of knowing you have fed a group of people you can't stop. Seeing their reaction, having them read your menu and thank you is something that gets into your veins. How inspiring.

It is quite beautiful to see the passion of a chef.

blue.

2011-02-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

the depth of a man's tears--

exceeds the intensity of a deep, calm ocean.
sweeping away the pain from his face.
dangerous yet unknown shower of solitude.

revealing the beauty that is his soul.

disappointed.

2010-08-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't think I am strong enough to handle my emotions.

vulnerable.

2010-08-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

although i trust you,
i can't hide the truth of being afraid.

fragile in every sense of the word,
while every moment i spend i find myself more vulnerable.

if one day i am able to find the words,
or allow myself to fall,

i know it will be worth it.

summertime.

2010-04-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

Some things I'd like to do this summer:

- See a comedian.

- Go to the fair.

- Ride in a hot air balloon.

- Eat out at new restaurants.

- Plan a road trip, using maps.

- Go to concerts.

- Visit the zoo, animal park, Sea World and the aquarium.

- Go to Six Flags.

- Plan a camping trip and admire the stars.

- Have a picnic on the beach.

kindness.

2010-04-15T10:39:00.001-07:00

is it possible to be too kind? would something like that make someone run away?

I am starting to wonder..

pieces.

2010-03-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation. Trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, or would've happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. -Tupac

sensual.

2010-03-09T12:57:00.000-08:00

The Sensual Woman - The Herbaliser

To become aware of my own sensuality,
I first become fully aware of my own tactile sense.
In dim light, I close my eyes and remove my clothes.

Do I lose his respect for being so wild?
Hardly. He treats me like a rare and precious jewel.
And he goes through the day proud of the fact, that with me,
He is the world's most imaginative lover.

Men pick amazing places for sexual adventure.
The wildest adventure proposed to me was in a bathtub which was full of Jello!
All I could think of, was how many boxes it would take?
What would be the most alluring color?
The most delicious flavor?
And how could that affect our oral explorations?
If the Jello gets firm, would I bounce?

As you look around for what's new and different,
Remember these three important weapons that should be learned to keep a man in love.
Imagination, sensitivity to his moods and desires,
And the courage to experiment with new sexual techniques,
Enticing situations and places.

Lovemaking is physical, and so its its language.
Suck, cock, fuck, and prick, are not bad words.
Used in the bedroom by lovers to describe parts of the body,
And physical activities,
They are very proper indeed, and they distinctly enhance sex.
Overhaul a prudish attitude.
Don't whistle and stick up your nose, at least, not up in the air.

attacked.

2010-03-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

what is most important;

doing the right thing

giving in to protect yourself?

artistes.

2010-02-20T12:10:00.001-08:00

You don't know me I am an introvert an excavator I'm duckin' out for now a face in dodgy elevators.

strangest.

2010-02-05T18:51:00.001-08:00

bad.

2010-02-02T23:09:00.000-08:00

I should change my blog title to "How to lose friends and alienate people."

Big sad face.

theend.

2010-01-31T19:03:00.000-08:00

bonds.

2010-01-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

Why do I find it so hard to let myself get close to anyone?

If I ever stop pushing people away I may be able to answer that.

passion.

2010-01-28T23:05:00.000-08:00

What is passion? I was thinking about this question today. It may sound like a simple question, although I am initially inclined to start rattling off the THINGS that I am passionate about (i.e. food, music, health, knowledge and finding the beauty in ordinary things). However I want to focus for a minute on where this beautiful thing comes from, on a deeper level.

To start off this journey through my mind I will begin with a definition from Websters. That always helps to get a better understanding of things.

a : the emotions as distinguished from reason
b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction
c : an outbreak of anger
a : ardent affection : love
b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept
c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest

I highlighted a few words that stood out to me. Passion itself is such a huge concept full of human emotion, in fact would it be fair to say that passion actually makes us human?

That question brings me to something else that has occurred to me. Passion for anything at all is a vital part of human existence, if not existence then certainly happiness. Lack of passion in life is a fast track to deterioration.

I feel like this is something I need to sleep on and I will get back to as soon as I can!

Lastly, my surgery is tomorrow morning and I hope it is painless.

commotion.

2010-01-25T21:43:00.000-08:00

"she said its like cycling in circles
with your eyes closed
no hands blind faith is what she called it man
said life's an ocean with a lot of commotion
once you dive in, yeah it's deep

but if you can swim it ain't mattering."

- Living Legends

necessary.

2010-01-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

"It’s in my best interest to
have the best interests of the planet in mind. It’s
one thing to be the greatest; it’s another thing to
be necessary, and that’s the aim for me. The best are the most necessary:
those who take less than they give and love more than they hate"

--- Mos Def

Vipassana

2009-12-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

"I don't control life but I control how I react to it."

-Macklemore

changes

2009-12-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

Why do people grow apart?

closeness

2009-11-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

I have a fear for the declining significance of human relationships. I feel that technology is taking away from actual emotions.

Bonds seem to be less authentic and more frivolous. (Solitude and intellectualism is a completely different topic --
Being in my youth I also find importance in knowing my soul).

However. I yearn for friendships and bonds, interactions with others that push me to my limits.
My biggest desire is stimulation of my mind. Question my beliefs. Make me wonder, imagine, strive to better myself.

Awaken my mind.

dancing.

2009-07-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

The dancers on my stage.

They make pretty entrances.

Shamelessly, they show off their pirouettes and bow to the front of the stage.

I applause, giving a standing ovation watching quietly as they rush off stage.

They must be in a hurry for the next audition.

beach.

2009-07-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

I will never take for granted life in San Diego.

I don't care to leave either.

Don't get me wrong, I do have unprecedented dreams of travel.

power.

2009-07-20T13:01:00.001-07:00

It may be overrated to say so but the world truly works in strange ways.

I am beginning to realize more and more that I am the master of my negative emotions. Controlled, I can accomplish and achieve more than I can possibly fathom.

forget.

2009-07-17T09:04:00.001-07:00

Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

tears.

2009-07-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

Is it okay for me to be mad at you World?

If not, then may I ask for permission to feel sorry for myself?

Neither?

Ok then I shall press on.

pleasure.

2009-07-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

"Here they teach that much of existence amounts only to misery; that misery is caused by desire; therefore, if desire is eliminated, then misery will be eliminated. Now, that is true enough, as far as it goes. There is plenty of misery in the world, all right, but there is ample pleasure, as well. If a person forswears pleasure in order to avoid misery, what has he gained? A life with neither misery nor pleasure is an empty, neutral existence. To actively seek nothingness is worse than defeat; it is surrender; craven, chickenhearted, dishonorable surrender."

Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume. pg 96

friends.

2009-07-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

Some people have friends.

Some people have good friends.

If you are lucky enough, you might even have a best friend.

Now let us briefly examine the phrase "best friend."

Anyone lucky enough to have a friend like mine can most likely relate to what I am saying. Personally, my best friend knows me better than I know myself. My best friend laughs because she knows exactly what is going through my head at any given time. I am fortunate to know someone whom I could spend hours doing absolutely nothing with, yet somehow have fun along the way.

True friends are rare. I love my best friend and she knows it; that is what matters to me. Knowing she is happy bring me joy, and I say that with the utmost sincerity.

Friendship is quite a beautiful bond which I am genuinely grateful to have.

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."- Mencius

natural.

2009-06-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

Exercise seems to have an effect on your emotional reaction to stress. It does this by altering your mood. Fit people are usually in high spirits after a lengthy exercise, sometimes to the point of elation or joy. This feeling is associated with the presence of endorphins, which are released by the pituitary gland in the brain.

The word "endorphin" is a combination of "endo" and "morphine" -- meaning endogenously produced morphine, or internally produced painkiller. Endorphins are the body's natural pain reliever. It may be that the brain interprets exercise as a form of "pain" or it may be that the rise in fatty acids caused by long, gentle exercise acidifies the blood, which triggers the release of endorphins.

In any case, you can get from exercise a natural high, similar to a drug high but with none of the bad side effects. People who do long, continuous, gentle exercise enjoy the most effective stress therapy known to man.

soul.

2009-06-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

In many religions and parts of philosophy, the soul is the immaterial part of a person. It is usually thought to consist of one's thoughts and personality, and can be synonymous with the spirit, mind or self. In theology, the soul is often believed to live on after the person’s death, and some religions posit that God creates souls. In some cultures, non-human living things, and sometimes inanimate objects are said to have souls, a belief known as animism.

The terms soul and spirit are often used interchangeably, although the former may be viewed as a more worldly and less transcendent aspect of a person than the latter. The words soul and psyche can also be treated synonymously, although psyche has relatively more physical connotations, whereas soul is connected more closely to metaphysics and religion.

magic.

2009-06-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”

- Roald Dahl

break.

2009-06-08T16:32:00.001-07:00

Big hearts break easy.

escape.

2009-06-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

Theres no outlet quite like music.

bluebird.

2009-06-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

When i walked up all you caught was the shade of my hat on my face

my ways are in pain, from the strain of my ways
chains engraved in my physical days, in physical waves i get physical strength from my individual ways
meanwhile I'm not fulfilled, this feeling shall not be stilled
rewind time and rewrite lines for the kinds of you to feel
docile if you so will, fragile and you go downhill
drinking wine, forgetting time, now time to be refilled
they say if you snooze you loose
well i spend my days, dazed and confused
is it cause i blaze all day and fade, then that's old news
if it's new to you, this is Yarah rapping the blues
don't get used to it, running mascara i refuse
closed doors prevent outsiders from viewing
but struggling alone makes it tough for pursuing
dreams, but it seems all i get are sleepless nights
nightmares about losing loved ones and losing fights

The bluebird flew over the fields of sorrow
as i left the scene and the dream watching the souls wallow
left you for more, left the room hollow
many will fall, a lot more will fallow

you take drugs to psyche your mind
You take wine, to forget about time
you create a world of your own
where the truth, will never be known

I work when the work seems like play
and hate to play when the work seems to work my way, i say
i work my way through everyday that i play my way
now.. hear what i say, hear what i say
makes it all seem hopeless like impending cancellations
the locks will open someday continued determination
restless infection destroys spiritual vaccinations
and i will head for my destination
i stand alone at the crossroads of death inhale the breath
of lost souls that left in and out of counciousness
drinking wine reminds me of what honest is
making me wonder where the hell the logic is?
we're all lost, we're all tossed, at a lost cause
fight between ourselves, relieve ourselves, and then we all fall
through the wall, through it all, who we are?
no denying that at 5 foot i still stand tall

The bluebird flew over the fields of sorrow
as i left the scene and the dream watching the souls wallow
left you for more, left the room hollow
many will fall, a lot more will fallow

you take drugs to psyche your mind
You take wine, to forget about time
you create a world of your own
where the truth, will never be known

Many will fall
A lot more will follow
Follow

want.

2009-05-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

Tropic Watercolor Bikini

Street Slasher Tunic

Graceful Drape Cami

Cascading Flowers Dress

Women's 'Bobby' - Fools Gold

beauty.

2009-05-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Chuck Palahniuk is an amazing satirist, I have become so fascinated with his work that I have read Fight Club, Rant, Snuff and Choke in the past month and a half. I'm looking forward to picking up PYGMY this weekend as well. I adore the way he describes every day things in an out-of-ordinary way. I just love him for writing such crazy stories that relate to working-class people. Anyways, this quote is from Fight Club, I have never seen the movie and I just finished the book today. Come on, Edward Norton & Brad Pitt? I will be heading to Blockbuster very soon.

The rest of the images I find beautiful for certain reasons I don't feel the need to explain.

frenzy.

2009-05-26T10:27:00.001-07:00

"boy, does she know how to twist a knife..."

farewell.

2009-05-22T13:39:00.001-07:00

I am fully enjoying

perceiving.

2009-05-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Guts twist.
Disgust or desire?

Skin burns.
Definite or delusion?

Pulsing salty sweat.

Discontent.
Disconnect.

Defenseless.

failure.

2009-05-21T10:35:00.001-07:00

Failure is one thing I'm good at.

Nothing to be proud of really.

simple.

2009-05-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

Simple is the new extravagant.

time.

2009-05-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

When morning comes I slip into my white dress.

I close my eyes and watch one day chase away the next.

Me, standing tall but silent, heart gently stirring.

The night creeps across the sky, my white dress surrenders to the dark.

Everyday passes yet nothing changes.

Though I can not see the stars from here I know they exist.

As I sit still, awaiting tomorrow.

men.

2009-05-20T08:14:00.001-07:00

I don't want a catcher. There is no skill involved in that.

I want a hunter.

quality.

2009-05-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

Why am I such a lousy judge of character?

hope.

2009-05-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

shame.

2009-05-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's a shame to wait until tomorrow.